OB Appt - Check!

Dr said that since Baby A is still head down the chances of him moving now are slim. So we are on track for a vaginal delivery. Woot Woot

Cervix is perfect at 3.6 cm. I explained about the vaginal twinges I keep getting and he said it's probably because A has his head logged down in my pelvis and moving around.... Dr. said he was happy with the growth which is right on schedule. Their weights are close together which they look for.

My uterus is now finally the size of a full term single pregnancy size.
I'm not working anymore.
I find it hard to sit in the car to go shopping for any length of time...The pressure lower down, and under the lower part of my bra.
My feet are getting restless at night, so I've been wrapping my lower legs in a tensor bandage which helps greatly.
My GERD comes and goes.
I sometimes find it hard to wipe when going to the bathroom.
I did manage to shave my legs and my vag with the help of DH.

I have my glucose test on Saturday so we will see what that will bring.

Dr. said our goal is really 34 weeks, but he'd take 30 weeks if he had too...Although doesn't look like the boys are ready to come out yet..Bake boys bake!

Dr. also said that everything is going so well, I should be a poster girl for a twin pregancy since I've had nothing go wrong yet.....

Talk to you all next year!

It's been a while....Long update

Dec 9 - 2nd twin prenatal class. We learnt all about natural births....And the complications that come with being high risk. We also learnt about DH roles in a natural birth.

Dec 11 - Treated myself to a haircut and some highlights

Dec 14 - Found a stretch mark

Dec 16 - Learnt all about high risk c-sections and just how many people there will be in the room with me and DH if we have a c-section. We also learnt that our hospital bags should be packed and ready to go. Learnt about care of mothers and twins in the hospital. Learnt about what to put into the hospital bags.

Dec 18 -In laws arrive for xmas, and my last day of work. Woo Hoo!

Dec 23 - Had our 5th u/s. Was a little worried...Never slept the night before and didn't feel much movement.....
U/S went really well. Babies are measuring:
Baby A: 2 lbs, 11 oz
Baby B: 2 lbs, 8 oz
Growing really well for twins. Cervix is 3.3 cm, still pretty good. Baby A has his head logged into my pelvic and makes the letter C around my belly button and it almost like his is kicking himself in his head (at least it's not his brother anymore). Baby B has himself logged on top transverse still but more in a U shaped, and slightly under my ribs. The tech wasn't sure how I could continue eating with these big babies in me...
Baby A: HB 151
Baby B: HB 134

Dec 25 - Christmas!!!!!

Dec 27 - Found more stretch marks. A little disappointed, but that's ok...Not really concerned....I'm 31 now, so belly shirts are a little young for me. :-) As long as there are stretch marks....I know the babies are growing....Bought a rocking chair for twin feedings. Bought more stuff, like change table pads, baby medical supplies (thermometer, nail clippers, etc), swaddles.

How am I feeling? Having trouble sleeping, throat sensations (GERD) sometimes gets pretty bad, getting quite big and uncomfy, uncomfy to sit, to stand, to sit in the car, etc....My face has cleared up nicely. Have a hard time shaving my legs, and my vag....But that's where DH pitches in.

I know they say because of the hormones our pigmentation may change...like we get dark patches on our face, or that linea nigra....That hasn't really happened to me, but I have noticed in my armpits...that it looks like I've tried to dye my armpit hair....So maybe that's my pigmentation change????

Nothing much more to report....Getting excited and anxious at the same time....The worry had now changed to a different worry...It's more...How often do we bathe the babies, what about SIDS, when can they hold their head up, what about feedings, etc...Eeeeekkk....

I feel the babies moving quite often....Baby A likes to move during the day, and Baby B seems to prefer keeping me up at night....It's when they tag team that gets super uncomfy.....

Twin Prenatal Classes here we come

We started our multiples prenatal classes tonight. They will run for 3 Wednesday's in Dec and 3 in January. Classes are 2 1/2 hrs long, and the chairs are so uncomfy...

The good thing is that the instructor has twins of her own, and she is a L&D nurse at the hospital where we will be delivering.

We learnt a lot in the first class...
Stats on twins, stats on natural births and c-sections. Watched a couple of movies. Learnt that if we need to get up in the middle of the night because of hunger, it's perfectly alright (Phew). Learnt that b/w 40-50 lbs weight gain is good. Because twins often can come early, the more we gain the healthier the babies should be. Learnt that most of the women in the group (and multiples mothers) have a hard time feeling the babies move. She said it's because the babies are smaller and are sometimes harder to feel than a single. She said that the first 3 months is tough (which we already knew)...So much to learn

DH and I really want to learn about contractions, and the labour details (water breaking, contractions, losing the plug, etc).

Not much time now...We will be 24 weeks this week and time is sure flying.

Wish I could say the worry isn't there anymore, but it is...Every leakage I feel, every pain I get...Thank god for the monthly u/s and monthly OB appts.

Been buying some baby clothes only because the were on sale. $4 instead of $20, can't beat that.
Last big purchase will come at xmas which will be the car seats.

Will post pictures this week, I promise....

XOXO

So that's what that is

While at the u/s on Monday...the tech's wand went bouncing up and down, and she said those blips that I have been feeling for the last few weeks were the babies turning around.

My placenta is still anterior so I will still have a bit of trouble feeling the boys kick...but we will surely feel them turn around and over...It's a weird sensation only because it feels like a muscle spasm, and happens a lot in the middle of the night.

My sleep lately has been more and more difficult. I've been getting hunger pains in my belly in the middle of the night and so I end up usually getting up and eating half and apple, and having some juice.

I've been feeling really good lately besides being tired and the occasionally pains and discomfort.
My throat sensations (GERD) are still coming, the pills don't really help, but better than nothing. I occasionally get some really stabbing pain in my lower lower belly and it feels like super hunger pains...
I find that I have been feeling hungrier and hungrier lately.

But all in all I feel really good, and I attribute that to the prenatal vitamins that I am on.

Over half way there, and getting more and more excited to be seeing our boys.

PS - DH finally got his H1N1 shot.

3D/4D U/S Complete

So we did a 3D/4D u/s. And had it broadcast over the internet for the in laws and my mum and dad.

They said that it's too hard to see twins past 24 weeks so we needed to get in right away.

The 3D u/s was pretty neat.

Got to see the babies...Here's the scoop....The boys have mum's button nose, and they have dad's full lips and ears. Babies have nice long eye lashes and already have hair on their head.

Baby A (first out, at the bottom) spend almost the WHOLE full hour kicking his brother in the head. lol Baby A is quite active, and the exhibitionist.

Baby B is more of the passive one. He was constantly getting kicked in the head, and everytime we tried to get a shot of him, his brother's arm would come floating into the picture. So now we know that Baby B will be the spoiled baby for enduring 9 months of kicking.

Then throughout the video, the boys turned, and flopped and kicked and ended up playing footsies, and then head butting.

We left there $190 les but what we came out with was a video of our litle boys, 128 pictures, and a lifetime of memories.

U/S # 4 - Check

Had u/s #4, and the tech we had this time was by far the best we've had yet. I wanted to see my cervix and the placenta and she had no problem showing us at the end.

DH and I were a little confused as to what monthly u/s would bring us. But we quickly found out that they will probably be 1 hr long and the tech will continue to check the cervix and do all the measurements, and check the major organs.

Got to see the 4 chambers of the heart..which was by far the neatest thing we've seen on the u/s so far. Also saw the bladder and stomach, and it's so neat to see all the bones in their tiny little bodies....

The tech mentioned that HB were right on track, measurements were perfect (babies are measuring a week ahead in size of what they actually are). Babies are measuring 1 lb, 6 oz.

Took some pictures home and that was that.

Nursery Funiture

DH finished painting the nursery, and we happened to go shopping after work for strollers....we ended up buying 2 cribs and a dresser. Looked for a stroller, but the one we want is $900 and the infant car seats are $300 each.

Ended up talking to the in laws who live on the Coast, and they found the peg perego stroller we want - last years model (only diff is last year has no steering wheel) for only $700 AND the company threw in 2 single peg perego strollers for us (Retail $400 each).

Most major purchases complete - CHECK!

Prenatal Classes...Here we come

Prenatal classes start Dec 2. It's a class specifically deisnged for multiples.

Pain, what pain...

So yesterday I developed this pain my my left pelvic region. Almost where my ovary normally is (I think). I doesn't hurt at any time, only when I push on that area. So why do I continually push on that spot? I know...A little pain is good, right? :-)

Other than that. We are a little over 21 weeks, and things are going exceptionally well. Nothing out of the ordinary. DH finished painted the nursery. Now it's just getting cribs and putting those in. We already bought the bedding.

Pics will come soon.....

The end is near....

So my last day at work before I offically go on disability will be Dec 31. But I will be taking holidays before then. So my last day at work will be Dec 18. Eeeekkk that's just over a month away.

So, guess I am going to have to start looking at buying some full season tv shows to pass the time....

OB Appt #2 - CHECK

So had out second oB appt.
Contrary to what I actually thought happened at these OB appts, they end up being really quick.

I go in there....Doc asks if I have any questions...lucky if I get to at least one of mine. So I asked about the acid reflux feeling in my throat. He called it something that started with G. So I did some research and I think it's called GERD.

Then he asked me if I was still working, I said yes. He was a little shocked I was still working. Then he told me regardless of how I feel, he doesn't want me working past 28 weeks.

Then I laid down, and he brought out the tape measure, and measured my belly. Uterus is measuring 28/29 cm. Told me that that means I am 4-5 weeks above what a single pregnancy would at this same time.

Then we listened to the heartbeat. Gosh I am always amazed how the Dr can peg right where the heartbeats are, without even a 3 second hesitation.

Then he proceeded to say that he wants to see me in 4 weeks and at that time things will get interesting. haa haa

We went over our last u/s results. He confirmed that they weren't identical. But said that the growth was right on track. With twins they like to see at least lower than a 20% difference in growth.

That's it, that's all....Now we wait for our next u/s on Nov 23.

H1N1

So today I will going to get my H1N1 shot. It's designated shot day for pregnant women. I reached 20 weeks yesterday, so I can get the vaccine with the adjuvant

What happened to my belly button?

My belly button has almost completed flattened out...I can still fit my pinky in there, but it's getting tougher.

My worry has shifted now to: Do we need 2 change tables or just one? What type of stroller will we get? Will I be able to produce enough milk? What colour do we do the nursery? What theme should we choose? What happens if I don't know what a contraction is? What do I need to bring to the hospital? What do I dress them in? How am I going to shave when I get bigger? What if I HAVE to have a c/s...Does it really hurt? If I deliver naturally should I be rubbing cream down there so I don't tear? Oh sooooo many questions.

And I think we felt the baby kick this past weekend. DH felt it too. For the past little while, I wasn't sure if they were kicks or not, because how does one REALLY know?

Throat Sensations

Starting yesterday morning, I've been having a weird burning sensation in my throat. Most often when I sleep or am relaxing. Almost like acid reflux or something. It's really uncomfortable when it happens....

Anyone had that?

B...B...B...

Had our 18 week scan today.

Took forever....Because of the twins. Baby A is perfect head down. Baby B lying traverse accross my belly which she had a hard time picking up.

Cervix is closed. Woo Ho!

The tech said that while I necessarily shouldn't feel movement yet...I might not feel movement because my placenta is anterior which means blanketing the baby and harder for me to feel.

She said everything is measuring right on schedule. I'm 18 weeks tomorrow (I think I'm off a few days) and baby is measuring 9 oz. They are both measuring the same size. Heart, bladder, all organs look good.

And yep! Here's the breaking news of the day.....We are having...

Boys!!! Yep.

While she couldn't say for certainty that we are having 2 boys because it's still a little early to tell for definite, she said she'd bank on them both being boys......

We are soooooooo excited. While I was hoping for 1 boy and 1 girl, I'll take the 2 healthy boys.

Flu Shot

So DH and I went today to get our regular flu shots. We were a little leary at first because neither of us have ever had a flu shot. On the recommendation of amost everyone and every Dr we talked to...we should get it.

Good thing was...it was our family Dr administering the shots. He's so funny...We talked about how big I am, and as he was leaving the room he says to DH and I, as he gives us the chin up head nod, looks at my belly and says "Ooooh, this is gonna be great". And gives a little laugh. He knows how big I'm going to get as his wife had twins too.

First OB

FINALLY...

It was more of a meet and greet with the OB. Both DH and I loved him.

So here is our update:We will get monthly u/s and monthly appt with him. He doesn't want me working past 24-29 weeks depending on how I progress. By week 28, I will probably be the size of a full term singleton pregnancy.

No travel allowed unless in the province, even then he advised against it.

As for the delivery, 40% of twins end up as a csection. We have to be prepared for everything. But it all depends on baby A. I will not deliver in a delivery room, I will be delivering in an operating room (even if I deliver vaginally). There will be at least 14 people in the room when I deliver.

Heard the HB, everything seemed good, but with twins we really need to see them on the u/s.

So now we wait until Oct. 21 when we get our next u/s.

I've graduated

Into the class of My hips are already hurting me when I sleep. I'm going to have to ask my OB that at my appt on Thursday. I sleep on one side then my hips start to hurt, then I sleep on the other side and that hips starts to hurt. Then I try sleeping propped up, and I get a neck kink.

Oh the joys...Wouldn't trade it for a thing tho...

Belly shot

Feeling good

I've been feeling pretty good. Other than being tired. No real pains or aches or anything. I do have a bit more white leakage down below, and always worried it's going to be blood, but it's not so WOO HOO!

My belly is growing rapidly and I wish I could feel the babies already. I do feel during the night, when I can't sleep, 1 or 2 times during the night it feels like popcorn popping. I can feel it on the outside too...Maybe gas? Maybe a kick? Maybe something else?

Just a week and a half until our OB appt.

I missed week 14 and 15

Week 14:
I'm 4 inches CRL and weigh 2.5 ounces; My heart is pumping about 25 quarts of blood per day.
Just plump or pregnant? Other people are noticing and deciding whether to ask my mummy this risky question.

Week 15:
I'm 4.5 inches CRL and 3 ounces; My nails are formed and you can soon tell if I am a boy or girl.
Time for my ultrasound and the answer to that nagging question. Do I have a hot dog or a cheeseburger?

Good Appt

Met with the family Dr yesterday as we needed to ease our worries minds. Since it will still be 2 1/2 week until we meet with our OBGYN, and another 4 before our next u/s we needed some ease.

So we met with the Dr to use his portable u/s, listen to the HB machine. Got to hear the HB. I was sooo nice to hear.

We also had an intern with the Dr, so she actually performed the u/s. She said because there is 2, it's difficult to know if you are hearing 1 or 2 HB, or the same baby over and over again. DH said he heard 2, because she put the wand in two different places. All I could feel was pressure on my belly.

Also brought up the fact that I started having lower abdomen/pelvic pain since Sunday afternoon. Hurts when I cough, sit, or bend over. Hard to explain the pain. But they said it was probably my uterus growing and stretching. Posted the pain aches on my Due in March Board, and most of the ladies said they have the same uterine stretching too. Phew!

Still feeling good. Tired, but good. I did weigh myself at the Dr too. And only gained 8 pounds in 8 weeks. Not sure if that's good or not.

I think I like this....

So I am now in my second trimester. Woo Hoo! Huge milestone. And I am surprised by how good I actually feel. I do have the dry heaves some morning (once a week, if that), but no nausea. I am still tried but I do feel that I have more energy that the first 13 weeks.

I still haven't told my work yet, guess I am a little scared that something can still go wrong. I hate all this worrying. My OBGYN appt still isn't until Oct 15. But since our 12 week u/s came back really good, you would think the worry would stop. Nope!

13 weeks

13 weeks:
I'm 3.5 inches CRL & weigh 1.5 ounces; I'm practicing smiling, grimacing, frowning, and squinting.
I'm developing my vocal cords for all that screaming I'll be doing in the middle of the night.

Update

So we finally told my parents this past. Told mum first as dad was having a nap. Mum started balling, then DH started balling.. Long story short is they are so happy for us.
Mum already wants to start baby shopping.
And she's been calling more often already asking "How you feeling, or what protein did you have today, You know you need more calcium now"

ARGHHHH....We've been trying 5+ years to be pregnant, we've done our research; I think we already know what we are supposed to be eating. I know she means well tho...

12 weeks:
I'm 3 inches & weigh one ounce. My tiny unique fingerprints & all 20 teeth are formed.
Gross! I'm already secreting urine! Good thing I am generous enough to stay in here to save on diapers.

Milestone #2 accomplished!

Had our NT scan this afternoon. And both babies are doing fine despite all the worrying, passed the NT scan with flying colours. Abnormalities are over 1 in 4,000 so nothing to worry about.

What a huge weight off our shoulders!

Baby A: Was flip floping around. HB: 149
Baby B: Looked asleep. HB: 158

The babies are measuring 13w2d. And we are at 12w2 days give or take. Baby A is measuring smaller than Baby B now. But everything is RIGHT on track.

PHEW!!!!!

Back from mini holiday

As you read from my last post....the start to the holiday wasn't the greatest...But then felt wonderful except for a couple of tummy aches and being tired....

Took the ferry over to the island to visit with the in-laws friends, and the first morning there...ending up throwing up..but I hadn't eaten yet. Looked like orange juice....and it came sputting through my nose. YUCK!!! Needless to say I was smelling OJ all day!

The throw up night the host made a seafood lasagna....Was a little weary eating it, cuz it's taken up so long to get pg, I don't want to chance anything....

Countdown to the NT scan and another peak at the babies is on....Till Friday!

11 weeks:
I'm 2 inches CRL & weigh half and ounce; I can swallow & my tiny tooth buds are forming.
Nothing says "I'm pregnant" like chronic constipation.

Mini Vacation

So we left for a mini holiday to the Coast on Saturday and well it started off with me meeting the porcelin toilet. :-(

Other than that...feeling ok. Have my yucky moments but overall ok.

Told the in laws last night...They are pretty excited for us....

I feel like I have gained like 10 pounds.

10 weeks

So here I am at 10 weeks. Some baby fat, some "eating too much junkfood" fat.

My mummy's uterus is almost the size of a grapefruit which she'd like to throw at daddy right about now.
I'm 1.5 inches, weigh 1/4 oz; the irisis of my eyes, my hair & my fingernails are developing.

Well now that's different

So still doing the poke and nip test, my bb are still sore. But surprisingly I've been feeling quite fine. I don't really get the morning sickness, I tend to get the afternoon sea sickness, but lately it hasn't been as strong.
The positive side of me says "yay, maybe I'm over the morning sickness"
The negative side of me says "Oh no, maybe this isn't a good thing"

I try not to worry about it....Some days the nausea is stronger than others. My puking tally remains at 3 (thank gawd) but the dry heaves are still there. I still get quite tired in the afternoon. And I haven't needed to wear the seabands for about 3 days now. Still no actual cravings, or aversions that I can figure yet. Still have the pizza and road maps on my tummy.

Leaving for holidays in a week, so I can do some R&R without having to worry about anything. And when I come back I have my NT scan, and I'll be able to see the babies again.

Week 9

I now have well formed "digits", but don't tell mummy I already know how to flip people off.
I am over an inch tall and weigh four grams! I've already grown viable fingers and toes.

Symptom Check In

Ok so Friday brought a heavy dry heave in the morning but I hadn't eaten anything. So nothing came up.
The rest of the weekend brought the car sick feeling and a sore tummy. No more throwing up (yay) but the feeling is definitely there. I've been having a sore tummy, not as bad as cramps or anything just a little sore. Still tired.

No real cravings or aversions yet. Still have acne on my forehead :-( and the veins on my stomach and hips are still dark blue. Pants are getting tight now...Not sure how much longer we can hide it? Hopefully till past week 12.

It's finger lickin good!

So today brought up my brekky AGAIN. I'm worried that my preg vit is coming up too, but I don't want to go picking through the throw up in the toilet. :-s

Felt pretty good today, tried to have a nap at work..but couldn't get comfy.

And for dinner tonight, it felt like KFC night...So we stopped for some of the Colonel's chicken. And then got tired. Tried to have nap, just ended up in and out for about 1 1/2. Then woke up and wasn't feeling well. Asked DH to rub the babies....A few minutes later, the Colonel came back up. That brings the puke total to 3 now.

I've been some exhausted lately, I haven't been feeling well enough to cook, clean or do laundry. I feel so awful for DH. On top of the reno's he is now doing by himself....he's got to take on extra chores. And I love to cook and clean. Hopefully I will be able to pitch in soon. I still do the cooking and cleaning, just don't have the energy to go full force lately.

That's about all today. Still having restless sleeps, and hoping that eases up soon too.

Still wouldn't change all this sickness for anything.

Welcome Week 8

Week 8:
I'm running laps around my mummy's uterus these days! Well at least one of us is doing our cardio.
I'm nearly an inch tall & weigh one whole gram & my tiny earlobes are visibly developed.

Week 8 for the larger of the two came yesterday. And this morning....up came my oatmeal and toast. Not even 5 minutes after I ate it.
But I have to be truthful too...I was going poop, and it didn't smell very well so I started dry heaving, which lead to the upchuck. How am I ever going to handle baby poop? :-)

Had an appt with the family Dr today. I just love him, he's so good. Did a routine physical almost. Not poking around the vag area, he said he thought I've had enough of that lately. haa haa Boy was he right. He asked if I was going to breastfeed and I said I hoped to, so he needed to make sure my nipples weren't inverted. Took a look at them and said "Those will do just fine" lol
At the end of the appt he said obviously you haven't told your parents yet, so don't worry, I won't blow it for you. But on your way out check the waiting room because I think your dad is supposed to come and see me today. We are planning to hold off until week 12-16 to tell everyone and that's just so hard to do.

He's recommended us to an OBGYN that delivered his twins, so the Dr has to be good right? The standard here where I live (Canada), I believe, is that you don't actually get an u/s until week 18-20. The only reason we got one early is because of the fertility issues...So we are blessed that way. But now I have to wait 10 more weeks until another u/s???? How am I going to manage that?

I FINALLY heard from the clinic today...They are on holiday until Aug 17. So I'm pretty much graduated from them. Their purpose is to achieve pregnancy, which they did! They did however suggest to all their fert patients to get an NT scan. Not that it matters to us if our baby has a defect....But it would be nice to know before hand. And it's performed during week 11-13, and it just gives us another chance before week 18 to see the babies...So we said yes. They will call us back with date and time.
That'll all she wrote.

Symptom Check In - 7w 4d

Ok, so I'm not really sure which EDD to go by So I went with the bigger fetus.

Symptoms so far:

• Nausea....I tend to feel queasy all day, just a yucky all over feeling. Bought some sea bands...Not sure they are working, just one of those psychological things
• Tired...I've been quite tired. Haven't been sleeping well at night...I can't seem to get comfy. See I'm a stomach sleeper, so been trying to avoid that since the 2WW. So I've been having naps
• Hungry....I always seem to be hungry...But with that is one problem...Once I eat one or two bites, I'm not hungry anymore. It's almost as if I get fuller quicker. Weird right?
• Cravings....No real cravings...Maybe Old Dutch Dill Pickle chips :-)

So maybe you all are wondering how H and I are taking the news about the twins....Well exceptionally well. We are so stoked to be having twins....Here's hoping to a complication-free pregnancy.

So now we wonder....What types of exercise can I do, am I supposed to be eating differently, etc?

But we have an early prenatal with just our family Dr on Wednesday, so hopefully he can answer some of those questions for us.

Anyone know of any good twin books to get?

The results are in......

Well it was ultrasound day. And considered how things unfolded last time, you can understand our nervousness.

So there I go into the u/s room, my bladder ready to burst....Long story short...


It's TWINS!!!!!

Baby A: Measuring 7w2d with a HB of 146
Baby B: Measuring 7w0d with a HB of 139

This is so exciting. We wanted to call everyone right away to tell them. But we are still going to hold strong until at least Week 14-16.

Road Maps and Pizza

Ok...so not so much on my tummy but more closer to my hips....I have the blue veins running around looking like a road map.

And my face has broken out. Not with anything red, nor with anything noticable to anyone but me :-)

Still have some nausea. But other than that, pretty lucky there aren't more symptoms. Still nervous but only 3 1/2 more days until the u/s.

Patiently waiting....

Swiss Chalet...Always so good for so little...

So I keep seeing these commercials for Swiss Chalet....Chicken, salad some other stuff AND it COMES with an ice cream sundae for 11.99 CAD....So tonight I will no longer be a Swiss Chalet virgin. I have never been.

I am still having waves of nausea, and still doing the poke test....No craving yet, except for Swiss Chalet. haa haa

Still 10 more days until the u/s. Patience girly, patience.

Holy nausea batman!

Ok....so I haven't really had any m/s but then again it's still early in our pg. But TODAY! Ughhh.....I haven't been feeling so well at all!

I've had a couple of bouts with diarrhea the last couple of nights. And for some reason I don't mind. I rather have the runs than constipation.

Had a quick appt with the family Dr. He's sooooo excited for us. He's going to find us his best OBGYN to take care of us. And we know he will. He takes such good care of us.

No real cravings as I always crave different food. Can't tell if I am more tired, because I am always sooo tired. And as for hungry...I can always eat....So do I feel any different? Well I continue to do the poke test and DH usually does a nip test once a day. And yep...those bb are sore.

Second Number

So 20dpIUI = 3127

Thinking that is more than good. But I don't know a lot about numbers...Anyone?

A Grannie Moment

Had a Grannie moment tonight. Shed some tears.

I miss you Grannie. Please take care of our growing baby.

We love you!!!

I wanted to scream...

...as loud as I could...to tell everyone I was/am pregnant.

My parents came over for dinner tonight. And it took a lot not to tell them. But like last time we are waiting until at least month 4. Still 3 months to go.

I feel a lumpy on the left of my pelvic region (only when I am standing). Feels like an egg. Trying not to worry. Hoping it's nothing.

Got the call...

So the clinic just called....

And it's confirmed. It's a POSITIVE.

Yay!

Numbers were: 636. Almost 2 times higher than my numbers back in Feb...

Woo Hoo...This is sooooooo exciting.

Second Blood Work July 20
First u/s Aug 6

In surreal world....

So I broke down....

So let's explain something first:

1st: Getting pregnant without help is so vastly different than getting help to become pregnant. Why? Because when you don't plan on getting pg, you aren't worrying if you are or if you aren't pg. Where as going in for and IUI or IVF you know there is a 50/50 chance that you either are or aren't. And those 2 weeks from when the procedure happens to when you get your first b/w done to find out is so excruciating worry some. Over analyzing every symptom, worrying about any kind of leakage, and restraining from buying a home pregnancy test (HPT), the list goes on.

The clinic I go to makes us wait 16 days after IUI. And anyone who reads my blog knows that I went for THE blood work today to find out, but that I've also had no symptoms, and constant worrying.

So I checked the home phone for messages every 30 minutes, and hardly left my desk at work today, carried my cell phone with me everywhere I went....And NO phone call. AArgggghhhhh.

I've waited 16 days, isn't that long enuf...Why couldn't you have called.

So what happened? We broke down. We did something very bad, something that we didn't do last IUI until after we found out....Something I swore I wouldn't do. But 16 days already...Come on!

We bought a HPT.

And it was positive. Woo FREAKING Hooo....

Needless to say we are super excited....But we want the official confirmation tomorrow form the clinic.

Maybe having no symptoms this go around was a really good sign for things to come.

I'm going to step off cloud 9 for now, and drift off to sleep dreaming of carrying to full term....Until tomorrow my dear readers.

13dpIUI

So today marks 13dpIUI..And bb are still sore. Not spotting at all, and no cramps.

We reamin hopeful. But a little nervous.

B/W on Thursday as long as AF doesn't show. Fingers crossed for us.

Power of positive thinking "We are pregnant"

TGIF

Today is 10dpIUI, and not symptoms like last time...Just some sore breasts. Taking that as a good sign. Sometimes there isn't always symptoms. I also feel something hard on my left pelvic area...I'm thinking I can really feel my ovary.

Still 6 days away from blood work to find out if we are pg. But we only go for b/w as long as AF doesn't show her ugly face. So stay away.

I so wanna be knocked up. Come on babies....

Jacko - RIP

So, we've been talking about this. Now...Michael Jackson was the King of Pop during his prime....And all I hear on the news these days is how great Jackson is....

And we hate to judge people BUT

People have we forgotten he is a child molestor?

We're just sayin....

Tummy Ache

Wow! This tummy ache is just not going away. It seems to be getting worse.
I hope that's not a sign.

Holy tummy ache batman....

I woke up today with a really bad tummy ache. Hopefully it's nothing...And hopefully things are working in there.

Come on BFP...

4dpIUI

It's the start of 4dp IUI. Nothing out of the ordinary to report. My ovaries ocassionally give me pains. And I have gas.
Not sure if it's something I ate...but it sure feels like I need to mufty©, when my ovaries tent to flare up...

Happy Canada Day!!!

To all my fellow Canadians. Best Country in the world to live in.

I wanna be knocked up!

So here we go again. So you could check out my blog from my first IUI back in Feb to see how IUI schedule goes. But if you don't want to check it out....I'll give you the recap. But this time 10x better.

8:10 am - Arrive, register and pay $250.
8:15 am - DH gives sperm sample.
8:25 am - Produced swimmers, then go for brekky at Tim Horton's.
9:00 am - Back to clinic for sperm wash and wait for the procedure.
9:17 am - Here we go again. What's our sperm count? What's this? 110.7 mill sperm pre-wash, and 55 sperm post-wash? How is that there is like 10x the amount of sperm this time from last? Curious isn't it.
9:31 am - Into room for IUI. Here's the play by play....
- Spread legs
- Duck Beak in
- Can't find it? WTF, can't find what?
- Was about to put out a milk carton for my lost uterus
- What now? The catheter is too flimsy. Hurry up....That hurts.
- Changing of the catheter to a more rigid one
- Knees up, legs closed, 10 mins
- We are now delivering 9 pds babies 9 months from now. See you then.

Phew...That was easy.

Back at work, had to go pee....What's this? Mucus with red blood, and major cramps....This didn't happen last time?

That warrants a call to the clinic.

Talked to a nurse....She said because we farted around in the uterus trying to get fluid in could cause the blood. Or perhaps because the uterus isn't used to having that much fluid put directly in there.
As for the cramps...She said it could be anything...mostly the fert meds making my ovaries balloon up to what feels like watermelons.

So now we wait....And I'll say it again...The dreaded 2ww.

Is this FINALLY it?

Had second OV u/s and blood work today. Really good outcome.

I have 3 large follies on the left side. The Dr doing the u/s is confident that we'll end up with 2 babies. I hope we do...But we are cautiously optimistic. We just hope this pregnancy sticks. Two babies would be just fine by us tho

So no more gonal-f injections. Tonight b/w 10 - 12 pm we will trigger with the Ovidrel shot. And have booked our IUI for Tuesday morning at 8:30 am.

So very excited. This is it....Is this FINALLY our time? Will the 5+ years of TTC finally come to an end? Fingers crossed.

Ouch...That's gonna leave a bruise

It's CD8 today...And here's my story this past week.
Started Gonal-F 75iu from CD3-CD7. Today was blood work and u/s. The fellow that took my blood, made my bruise....And 12 hrs later, me arm still hurts.

Had the u/s, and everything went well..left ovaries have 3 follies right on schedule. 12mm and counting...The right side...Not as well. But the Dr. said that we didn't want more than 3 follies anyways.

So, I will go and get a new pen for injections for CD8 and CD9, then we have another appt on Sunday for another u/s to see how the follies are progressing, and the DR will assess what needs to happen. Either more Gonal-F or we will trigger to release the eggs.

This is so exciting...

Early Bird gets the worm

Today was our baseline u/s. And CD3. A new DR came in, one I haven't met before. And I tried to engage him in some conversation since he was going to be probbing my vagina. But nothing.

So sitting in the u/s room waiting for Dr. on CD3 with no tampon in or pad. Took at look at my ovaries, and follicles and my uterus. Everything checked out just perfect. Glad he knows what to look for on that screen.

That was it....Got my prescription, went and picked up the gonal-f injection pen and went home.

Had the family over for father's day. We had a raclette party. They weren't leaving and I had a 2 hr window to give myself the first injection.

Turns out I couldn't do it so hubby did, and it's not all that bad...really!

It's about 40 minutes since we did the injection, and I'm feeling a little yucky....

Full Flow

It's full flow day, and I called the clinic and got an appt for CD3 (this Sunday) at 9:15 am. I will be getting a basline u/s. I've had many transvaginal u/s, but never one while bleeding. So not sure what to expect. Do I wear a tampon? A pad? Do they tell me? It might get a bit messy.

But, I don't really care....This is our chance once again. I believe we will be starting the injections on Sunday as well.

I don't believe in co-ink-ee-dinks....but just so you know that one year ago today and almost 4 hours ago, DH and I took Grannie out for dinner. (I was browsing through pictures and noticed the date) So it's quite fitting that she took our fetus with her a couple of months ago when she passed away, and how we got my period (the start of perhaps our future) on the same day we took her out for dinner a year ago.

Welcome Back...

No wonder I was tired. I started spotting today. Woo Hoo, that means that we are on to TTC with IUI and injectibles.

Boy, am I T-I-R-E-D

I can barely keep my eyes open.

28 days and reno's

Here is what we have done the last while...

Riped out the lino in the back hallway and laid tile. Just waiting for the grout to dry.
Replaced facet in kitchen
Hung huge mirror in living room
Hung pike on fireplace
Bought new screen door
Got rain barrels
Put in shelving in the bathroom under the sink
Bought new bed
Bought loads of tools
Put in new wood blinds in the dining room
Put in blinds in the kitchen
Ripped out all blinds full of shitty cat and dog hair
Fixed toilet

So in our utopia....If we didn't have a m/c...today marks day 28 and AF should be arriving. But because I am not sure what my body is going to do...I'm not sure. I don't feel any symptoms. So we wait....

Countdown is on...

Well... had our first appt with the IUI clinic since we got pg back in Feb.

They put up some new stats: The clinic saw over 1500 new patients last year, and the wait time is now 11 months, and there are currently 1100 people on the wait list.

Met with the Dr. Told her we must have had a period around which day (Cuz we wern't really sure IF it was a period). She thot it was to late to do anything this month because I would have already ovulated. Weird right? It's almost as if she would have done IUI right then and there if I was ovulating. Good sign...

She said ok, let's give you a prescription for clomid and when your period happens this month, you'll go on clomid and we'll do IUI.

WOOO HOOO...No wait period??? I'm lovin' it!!!!

We then told her that we were on clomid for like a year and never saw an ovulation surge, and all it did was screw my periods up. So we asked her to give us the potent stuff. Even tho IUI worked back in Feb with no medication....I don't want to go through the m/c again so I'd rather pay for the drugs and try and get some extra help. So she put me on some prescription Preg Vitamins instead of off the shelf to get me ready since I m/c once. She sent in a nurse to explain how the Gonal-F Pen gets injected, all about our u/s appts once my period hits, blah, blah, blah...

Dr. said it costs anywhere b/w 1-4K. But I have a pretty good drug plan so I'm not that worried.

The only thing that I am basically worried about...Is that I don't get cysts from this potent fert med. That would push us back even longer.

What awesome news...So now...WE WAIT.

In Laws Gone

So replaced almost all the light fixtures. FIL was an electrical engineer in his glory days. MIL put in 3 flower gardens with my mums help. Didn't have to spend a dime on flowers. It was all my MIL. I put in a veggie garden and an herb garden.
(Radish, Beets, Red Onion, Carrots, Cucs, and Lettuce) (Cilantro, Parsley, Dill, Oregano, Sweet Basil, Spicy Basil, Majoram) Didn't do a big veggie garden because the house we bought never had ANY type of garden, so we tore up sod and made a garden. Not sure how well they will grow.

Dad bought DH a lawn boy. Self Propelled mulcher. Mum bought us some glass solar lights.

In Laws Arrive

The in laws arived today. They have come out to visit for a week to help us move and do some house stuff.

New House

Took possession of the new house...Woo Hoo

Final #s and good news

Well finally had my last blood work yesterday. Numbers came back at zero. So that's excellent. That means there is NO HcG (pregnancy) hormone in left in my body. WOO HOO....

And the even better news is...I think I got my period. It's heavy, so I'm not sure, but I called both clinics and they said it could be. It's only been a little over a month since I m/c but I could be a quick bouncer back. But because this was my first m/c my body is all screwed up.

But we have a follow up with the IUI clinc on June 3 to see what our next steps are....

Results

Tuesday: Got home and had a message from our GP. Leaving us a message to call him on his cell. I feel so honoured that our Dr. would give us his cell number. Wowee! Called him back. Message. Called us back from home. I feel special. He wanted to give us out results from our blood work and see how we are doing.

Wednesday: 2 week blood work check! Hopefully out numbers are dropping. Got a bruise on my arm.

Friday: Call from IUI clinic, message from EPLC. Clinic gave me my numbers. At 86. Woo Hoo..Numbers are dropping. Almost 700 in one week. That Monday expulsion must have been something. Yeah! Almost over...soon to try again.

Don't really have any cramps. Blood is minimal...It's brown, and some grey (which could be tissue) and carmel coloured mucus.

Had a bad day Wednesday night. Missing Grannie too much. Cried and cried and cried. Tonight had a moment about pregnancy. How come the TPT gets pregnant and we can't. Life is so unfair.

When is going to be our turn?

Don't know what the HELL that was

So DH and I went out for a couple of drinks tonight after dinner and a little clean up of the house. We actually went out to watch the Calgary-Chicago playoff game. Came back home, and had to go pee...Didn't go at the pub. Went pee as soon as we got home.

DH was on the toilet and I felt something move down below in my pelvic region. I look and there was this clump of brownish stuff. Dry Heave, Dry Heave...Here's the conversation:

W: Get off the toilet!
DH: You just got off the toilet!
W: GET OFF THE TOILET!
DH: Why?
W: GET OFF THE FUCKING TOILET!!!!!!
DH: I've got to go too.
W: (Pulls down underwear and pj's to show a clump of stuff on pad)

I sit down on the toilet, dry heave, dry heave....Look at it again...Dry heave, dry heave...DH takes some toilet paper and takes off my pad and wraps it in toilet paper and throws it in the garbage. Dry heave, dry heave...DH rubs my back...It's ok.

DH leaves the bathroom. I unravel the toilet paper and try to take a look at the blob of brownish crap on my pad just too see what it was. (Was it just a clot or tissue, etc) Throw up! Start shaking....The clump looks almost like the sac did almost 2 weeks ago. Definitely NOT clot....Must be some sort of tissue. Threw everything back into the garbage....

Guess I'll wait until the "Early Pregnancy Loss" clinic calls in a couple of days to tell them my story. I think I'll book another blood work to make sure my HcG #'s are dropping.

I thought I was doing so well...Bleeding was brown and almost nill until today.

Blood Work

Went for blood work yesterday to ensure my HcG numbers are dropping. Early Pregnancy Loss clinic (EPLC) and the clinic for IUI didn't actually tell me when to get my blood work done, so I decided 1 week after I expelled and I will go every week after that to ensure my numbers are dropping.

Got a call from both the EPLC and my IUI Dr office. EPLC told me my numbers were at 734 or so which was good....Basically they want to see the numbers below 5. She said that I don't have to go back for another blood test until May 22 or so...Just in time for the results for my appt with the IUI Dr on June 3. I told them that I wanted to go more often to ensure my numbers are dropping. Nothing worse than going for an appt on June 3 to discuss our options and we haven't expelled everything which just makes everything last that much longer.

Oh yeah....We went to see our family Dr (GP) (the best GP out there) to tell him what's been going on.....He asked if I needed anything. Drugs, u/s, etc. He was positive that the next time we'd see him we'd be pregnant with a sticky bean.

Hopefully he's right.

Tissue?

So...major cramps Saturday night, and I think I passed some tissue.

And Sunday morning we were at my cousins wedding brunch reception, and I went to the bathroom and think I passed more tissue.

First day back to work was yesterday. Made it through the day with no cramps until I left...Then 2 hours later more cramps...Took T3. Didn't have much bleeding though.

Today....hardly any bleeding, and no cramps...until now....Seems as though it waits until I am ready to go home.

Blood work is scheduled once a week now, to ensure that the HcG levels are dropping....

Let's get this over with so, I can have a period and try, try again.

First Day of My Life~Un Nuovo Giorno~Je suis née pour toi

The song, I believe, was written by Guy Chambers and Enrique Iglesias. It was recorded in Italian by Andrea Bocelli, and in French by Melanie C. By far my favorite version is by Garou, a French Canadaian singer, from his album "Piece of my Soul"

So I found a reason to stay alive,
Try a little harder, see the other side.
Talking to myself -
Too many sleepless nights,
Trying to find a meaning to this stupid life.
I don't want your sympathy,
Sometimes I don't know who to be.
Hey what ya looking for?
No one has the answer -
They just want more
Hey who's gonna make it back?
This could be the first
Day of my life

So I found a reason
To let it go
Tell you that I'm smiling
But I still need to grow.

Will I find salvation in the arms of love?
Will it stop me searching? Will it be enough?

I don't want your sympathy.
Sometimes I don't know who to be.

Hey what ya looking for?
No one has the answer, you just want more
Hey who's gonna make it back?
This could be the first day of my life.

The first time to really feel alive
The first time to break the chain
The first time to walk away from pain

Hey, what ya looking for?
No one has the answer - we just want more
Hey, who's gonna make it back?
This could be the first day of your life.
Hey what ya looking for?
No one has the answer they just want more...

Hey, who's gonna shine a light?

This could be the first day of my life...

All aboard the P-A-I-N Train!

04/15/2009

1:00pm - H inserted 4 little octagon pills into vagina called Misoprostol. Lay down for 60 minutes to allow pills to dissolve. Started crying.
2:30 - Got up, wandered around.
2:45- Went pee, very minimal pelvic cramp. Back to lay down.
3:08- Took a T3
3:50- A few more cramps. Took another T3 (yes I'm allowed). Went to bathroom again. Stomach cramps when sitting. Some red blood starting to flow.
Wandered around. Searched Internet. Feel the need to #2, but worried about forcing in case clots and pain. Sat on toilet...Red blood when wiping so something working. Filled hot water bottle for tummy. Prop myself halfway up on bed. Tired but worried about waking up with cramps and blood.
4:50- Some more stomach cramps. H comes to rub belly.
5:15- Another IBprofen. Cramps getting really bad.
6:00ish- Time becomes fuzzy as pain is really strong now. Sit on toilet as pain seems to subside there. Feel leakage, call H over. Passed a little blood, started dry heaving. Ready to vomit. Major cramps. Feel more leakage. H started rubbing my back. More dry heaving into the garbage. Passed stringy blood, with something that looked like a starfish(H)/seahorse(W). Looked in toilet. H and I both started dry heaving. Started crying. Started shaking. Sat on toilet for another 20 minutes. Cramps seems to subside.
6: 15- Call nurse at Hospital. Minor abdominal pain. Wonder how come there hasn't been much blood. Please tell me the worst is over.
8:00- Pee again. A lot of blood, felt some clots, but couldn't see the bottom of the toilet. Nothing as bad as 5:00 was.
9:40- Pain starting again. Took 2 more T3.
10:30- More thick blood in toilet.
11:30ish- Drift off to bed. Mild cramps.

04/16/2009
6:44am - Wake up. Bathroom. Gush of blood. Just heavy bleeding, like a heavy heavy period.
Present - Minor bleeding because I'm not moving around too much. Seems as most blood comes when sitting on toilet. Mild cramps.

Thanks to Always for creating their heavy overnight pads. Thanks to Tylenol for creating a heavy pain med called T3. Thanks to the tv for having a nice long epic like Forest Gump come on tv when we first started the meds (time flew by). Thanks to the clinic for checking up on us. And thanks to all the girls and guys who gave me unconditional support leading up to this.

Thanks to H who was there with me though out the whole thing. With this we've become closer, and feel that because of this we can accomplish anything together. I love you!

Now let's get past the last 24 hrs, so we can focus on the emotional and mental realization of what has really just happened.

Scared and Nervous

H and I, along with his parents (who are visiting) went to my mum and dad's for Easter brekky. Tradition in our Uke family.

Then went out for dinner with one of their friends here to a steakhouse. Didn't have a drink in anticipation of taking the m/c drugs. Or else I would have got hammered.

Got home, and was just too nervous to do the drugs. SIGH. My stomach was doing flip flops, I was antsy, and I had that nervous upset stomach, with #2...You all know what I mean.

But I did go #2 a little while ago, and of course pushing caused more brown/red blood to come out as well as what looked like mucus. So things are slowly working themselves out I think.

I am taking the rest of the work week off (today is a holiday) so I think we will do the meds tomorrow morning. Maybe as early as 4 or 5 am.

I will do this, just scared shittless.
I will keep you all posted.

Naturally

So yesterday and today I've had some brown spotting. Mostly when I wipe. And today when I went #2 my spotting, along with the brown, also had red. Now because it was #2, naturally we push, so while pushing I force the blood, hence the red, I think.

So I called the early pregnancy line at the hospital (the same one that gave the drugs to us), and told them I'm spotting brown, and asked if that was a sign that I was going to naturally m/c. The nurse said obviously my body knows there is something abnormal, and it's working it's way out. But using the misoprostol would ensure that everything gets out. And that since I'm spotting anyway...once I administer the meds...everything should be cleaned out within a hour.

So, I've been wearing a pad, but haven't collected anything. Only shows up when I wipe.

I'm actually quite nervous about doing this tomorrow. But I keep forgetting that because there was no growth in the fetus the last week, it still remains as small as 6.5-7 weeks. Not 9 like I would almost be at. So there isn't as much to expell.

Options

Went back to the clinic about 2 hrs after the u/s to meet with an early pregnancy loss nurse.
Options are:

1. Spontaneous m/c
2. Medication to induce the m/c
3. D&C

We didn't need to make a decision right away, but we decided on #2.
Our reasoning:

1. I don't want the unknown of waiting for the natural m/c. I would constantly be wondering if I'm bleeding or just having leakage. And who knows when it would happen.
2. We force the m/c to happen through pills shoved up the vagina. Misoprostol is the name of the drug. (I'll explain the procedure in a bit)
3. A D&C. Surgery where the Dr. open the cervix and scrape out the contents. No thank you!

So we opted for #2 because I'd rather have this over asap so that we can TTC again. From what we learnt the procedure goes a little like this:

We take 4 pills and insert them as far as we can into the vagina. Lay down for 60 minutes. Then usually within 2-4 hours the cramps kick in REAL bad, and then shortly after, the bleeding starts. Heavy bleeding with passing clots which would be the remains of our child. :-(
Everything should be cleaned out within 8 hrs. Then light cramping and bleeding for the next while. Anywhere from a few days to a few weeks.
We then go back to the hospital the day after the medication to see how I am feeling emotional and physically.
We were also given T3, IB-Profen, and gravol to handle any of the pain I might be in.
So seeing as it's Easter we will have to pick our time to administer the drugs. We are thinking Sunday night after Easter dinner.
The nurse was also ordered to take my vitals (blood pressure, pulse, temp) to ensure I was ok. And I don't blame them. TRAUMATIC to say the least.

We have the in laws here, and were going to tell them we are pregnant, but now we had to settle on telling them bad news instead. SIGH

I am quite nervous to take this medication. Fear of the unknown is always hard. And I'm not sure how I will react to the pain.
The nurse said the average period will come back 4-8 weeks after the m/c. So possibly up to 2 months wait, plus any if the Dr. wants us to wait.

It's tough around Easter, it's tough cuz I just lost Grannie, it's tough because I just lost what would be my child. I feel like closing my eyes, and just crying and sleeping.

DH is taking this quite hard. We will keep you posted hr by hr when we finally induce.

HAPPY EASTER EVERYONE!

Fuck. Yah I said it! What the fuck

So had 8.3 week u/s a few hours ago.

Seems as though there has been no growth, and now there is no heart beat!

So, they are surprised that I haven't bled yet.

They said they might be able to give me drugs to speed things to expell everything from my body. I'd rather do that then wait for the blood clot to expell on it's own. I hope it's not painful. Not really sure what to expect.

1918 - 2009

Yesterday we had prayers for Grannie, and today was the funeral. SOB SOB...

She is now at peace with Grandpa, her mum and dad, all her 14 siblings, and all her friends. It's a little selfish of me to have asked her to have stayed any longer. 90 is a glorious age to live until. I'm sure she was pretty lonely but never let on.

Rest now Grannie...You deserve it. We miss you.

ETERNAL MEMORIES!
Вічная Память

A little feeling

So I've been having some lower abdominal pain lately. Totally overanalyzing if it's related to the low heart beat or not.
Just 6 more days.

I also find that if I lay on my back, my stomach feels like it's pulling into my spine. And when I lay on my side I also get a pulling feeling depending on which side I lay on. Hopefully that's just a sign on my uterus undergoing changes and nothing more serious.

My breasts are still sore, but not constant. Now it's on and off.

Nothing much else to report. No other changes of note.

What? More bad news?

What the fuck is going on?

Got a call form the clinic. Heart beat from yesterday's u/s was only 93. Which was low. I am scheduled to go in for another u/s next Thurday. And by that time I will be 8.4 weeks.

Why can't we ever get a break? I hope this is just a blip...

I'm afraid I have no tears left.

Why did this happen?

Do you want the good news first or the bad news?

Good news: We had our first u/s today at 7 weeks. Saw a sac, and tiny little thing that looked like a duck beat that turns out was the heartbeat. Yeah. Normally u/s don't happen until 18 weeks, so at 7 you could imagine it was small. 1/4" I think.
Yeah....Glad to know it's there! Sinking in a little deeper.

Fast fwd about 4 hours.

Got a call from dad at work, Grannie (aka: My best friend) was rushed to the hosiptal. Where we stayed with her for 3 1/2 hrs, until she took her last breath. My mum took it the hardest because she was the closest to her mother (out of her other 2 sisters). And DH and I took it pretty hard because we are really close with her. I just talked with her on Saturday, and made plans to make sausage next Thursday for Easter.

I don't understand why this happened? How could He take her from me/us?
I know it's selfish to ask her to stay with us any longer. 90 years was a long time, and I'm sure she was missing her DH and friends and parents too. But we had a date damn it! This is so unfair!

We love you Grannie. Say hi to Grandpa for us!

Sausage Time

Called Grannie this morning a few minutes ago to confirm we are making Easter sauage on Holy Thursday. It's a tradition her and I have.

She was so excited. I can't wait. She always has all the hard work done by the time I even get there..No wonder she's tired.

I fel bad, I called her early and think I woke her up. But she assures me I didn't.

A little scare

So as you've been reading.I've had a bit of brown spotting. Nothing for us to be too concerned about. I figured it was just the old blood making it's way out.

But today...I had a bit more of it. It was almost like fertile cervical mucus (egg white type) but dark brown. Yikes.
Posted a message on my Due in November message board, and everyone said that they had that in previous pregnancies. However, while waiting for their responses, I called the clinic just to make sure it wasn't something I needed to get checked out. And as I've said, I've had it before but wasn't really concerned.
The nurse from the clinic called back, and suggested just waiting until the u/s on Monday, since the blood was only brown. She asked if I had any other symptoms. Nope! I figured as much, but needed to ease my mind.

As for now? Well, I have a little bit of cramping, no more brown blood, and I feel nauseous. I feel like I want to puke, but don't. Maybe some soup will ease my tummy.

Still...come on....

Still sore breasts. Still have a bit of spotting. Mild cramps come and go. No bloating, no nausea, no cravings yet. Knock Knock.

Can't tell if I have fatigue as I am always tired anyways.

Just over a week until the u/s.

Hey worry wort....I'm talkin to you!

Well folks...it looks like I have some spoting again today. Brown again. Not too terribly worried. Well not enuf to call someone to find out. I'll wait it out until my u/s on March 30.

Not sure which is the worse waiting game. The 2 ww or this wait b/w when you find out you are pg and your first u/s. Sigh

Anyone else having some week 5 symptoms?

Thinking of taking some prenatal yoga courses.

My symptoms so far.

My breats are still sore. (But I like a little pain)

I have occassional cramping. (Except for last night, it was a major tummy ache)

Some very minimal mucus. (Almost like fertile mucus)

My face has totally broke out. (I pride myself on great skin)

And I am restless. (Maybe still from excitment)

Although perhaps I am still just over-analyzing how I am feeling, just waiting for the major symptoms to kick in as we are still in surreal stage.

No more pity parties here!

Got the blood work back from yesterday, today!

Numbers are at 2898. Not sure entirely what that means but I am guessing pretty good.

So now we wait....We have an u/s Mar 30.

Family Dr (GP) April 15 (Pre-natal)
OB April 24 (Pre-natal)

Until then...We are going to enjoy being pregnant.

ps - Breats are still really sore!

Here is a video that goes hand in hand with my past post many months back on dealing with infertility.

Beware: You WILL need a tissue.
http://www.tearsandhope.com/emptyarms_video.html

Is it for real?

OMFG...We are pregnant, what do we do now?



Not sure it's really sunk in yet.

Mission....Possible

Got the results back, and we ARE pregnant.

Yippee...

5 years trying, multiple multiple tests, many BFN's...Freaking finally.

Not familiar with numbers but mine was 235. Nurse said it was good.

I go back in a week for another blood test.

Then March 30 for an u/s.

Yipee, Hooray!

Sign sign everywhere a sign....

Woke up with cramps today. SIGH

All symptoms/signs point to AF. FROWN

Keeping positive for tomorrow is blood test. YEAH

I need to stop thinking about symptoms, and be optimistic and hope for the miracle. I may already be pregnant.

Tune in tomorra...

Over analyzers Anonymous

It's been officially 2 weeks since our IUI or 14dpIUI...
I am reading into every symptom. Tired, hungry, break-outs, cramps, mood swings, feeling fat, etc...Trying to remember past period symptoms to compare, but am drawing a blank.

Still haven't POAS (Peed on a stick) yet. By all accounts AF should arrive today, but the day is almost over. Hoping she stays the bloody hell away.
Have blood work scheduled for Tuesday providing AF stays away.

WARNING - Graphic Information:
Every slight bit of leakage I feel down there, I am worried is AF, but it's just a thin milky leakage. Phew.

Perhaps I should just test...Then I wouldn't be so stressed. Or maybe I'll just wait for the blood work.

You just stay the fuck away Aunt Flo...YOU HEAR ME?!

Temptation

12dp IUI....
Resisting home pregnancy test temptation.

Sore breats still.

No more spotting.

Totally overanalyzing symptoms.

I will not test.

TMI...8dp IUI

So we are 8dp IUI, and my breats have been sore for the last couple of days, and now I've had some brownish discharge. I am having very mild cramps since the IUI (almost like gas rather).

Not trying to overanalyze things...Just hoping this isn't AF perparing for her arrival...

Until it's time to test or Aunt Flo makes he apperance...I will remain positive and hope this is early symptoms kicking in.

Will KYP...

I'll take...I wanna be pregnant for $250 Alex

Close your eyes, picture a Hollywood set, and you are on Jeopardy. It's now your turn to answer the question.

Ba da da da, Ba da da, Ba da da da DA da da da da da, Ba da da da, Ba da da, Ba da da da DA da da da da da

This is the 2ww after IUI.

What is the longest wait ever?

2 WW

The dreaded 2 week wait to ensure that this worked. Keep occupied.

March 1 - Blood work to ensure I did in fact Ovulate.

March 10 - Pregnancy Blood Test unless Aunt Flor shows her ugly face.

Well I had a bit of mild spotting yesterday which was normal. And today it feels like I'm back on clomid. My ovaries are in a fight trying to rip through my skin.

Will keep you posted....Cross your fingers for us.

Michael Phelps Scorecard

7:00 am - Wake Up - Last test to ensure we are ovulating (Yep - the line IS darker)
7:14 am - Full body shave
8:45 am - Leave for the hospital
9:17 am - Run through hospital...Could we have parked any father away? Seems as though we always have to find the cheapest parking.
9:34 am - W here for IUI...Fill out form, put on wristband, and how would you like to pay? $250
9:38 am - H rummages through a plethora of sticky pages of magazines to produce his sample.
9:50 am - Sperm needs to incubate, needs to be washed, and then spun to get the fastest swimmers. Ok....You Michael Phelps of the sperm world..we need you!
9:51 am - Go for coffee and a bite to eat
10:30 am - Wait and wait and wait
10:45 am - W and H called
10:47 am - 14.7 million swimmers, at a rate of 55% motility, so that means 9 millions are the winners. Pretty good chances. Great sperm count, we usually look for 5 million as a good number. Not the best number, but great. Here hold onto this.
11:12 am - W come this way.
11:15 am - Cycle Day what? 14 Are you on a pre-natal vitamin? Materna Are you on any fertility drugs? Nope, it's a natural try this time. When did you see your surge? Saturday and this morning. How long are your periods? Well that depends. Are we including clomid that totally fucked me up? Anywhere from 26-34 days
11:18 am - The Dr will be in shortly to preform your IUI.
11:18 am - Stare at my naked body in the mirror. Damn I'm hot! :-) Realize I need to loose some weight. Stare at my tattoo, try to get comfortable.
11:25 am - Knock Knock. Don't be nervous. All I could think of was this better feel A LOT better than that damn HSG.
11:27 am - Speculum in "W, relax, put your hands on your chest...imagine the blue sky, the sun shinning, you have some nice clear mucus" WTF? Catheter in, sperm injected, mild cramp.
11:28 am - That's it? That's all? And I'm not laying in the wet spot... NICE!
11:40 am - Finished laying there for 10 minutes...Got dressed...Went home

That was easy. The rest is up to science.

I think I did FINALLY pass

Fucking hell!

I see my surge line resembling the same shade of darkness as the test line. But can't quite focus.

Short from dragging H into the bathroom and practically shoving the test into his face, by God I think we are FINALLY on schedule.

One test left, might as well test tomorrow morning before we head out for our first IUI cycle.

Cautiously Optimistic.

A total blur

Well I think the line looks to be getting darker?

Could it be wishful thinking. Or perhaps I need to F-O-C-U-S my eyes. I've been staring at lines all week.

Eat salt...retain water?

Damn...this is tough.

I have to test b/w 12-6 pm. No liquid for 3-4 hours, and no bathroom.

Yep...how 'bout that! Another negative.

I'm getting a little emotionally drained, but hey...I'm not technically suppose to test until Friday.

I hope this time I pass

So based on my periods over the last 4-6 months, I am due to start testing with an OPK on Feb 20...but because, since October we really haven't seen an ovulation surge, but yet my blood work shows I do and have ovulated....

We decided to start testing today to ensure we don't miss yet another month.

Red Red River

So Aunt Flo arrived again. No wonder I had some spotting and was so tired.

Called the period hot line in the other city for IVF wait list. (Just in case)

Called the hometown clinic to book my IUI.

Tentative Appts: If we get a surge

Feb 22 @ 9:30 am
Feb 23 @ 8:30 am
Feb 24 @ 8:30 am

We will start OPK testing on Feb 20.

Spot

Spot.

I could sleep forever.

Why am I so damn tired.

8...oh come on!

I'm sorry I'm going to start judging NOW.

Unemployed.
Unmarried.
14 children all under the age of 8.

How does she plan on supporting her children? Besides asking the Government for money.

I'm not judgoing the mother and her need to be a mother...Really. Everyone going through infertility wants to be a mother.

But by george someone has to be responsible.

You'd be hard pressed to find a Fertility Dr in Canada that would transfer 8 embryos (usually they only do 2-3)...And she got them transferred because she was born to be a mother?

From where I'm peering in, there seems a to be whole lot of irresponsibility with ALL parties involved.

Maybe the mother has some mental health issues? We obviously know the Dr does.

Hey Doctor NoName - Maybe you could pay to support the mother and her litter.

I'm so excited, and I just can't hide it

FINALLY had the consult with the fertility clinic here in the hometown. YEAH!

It went really well. Like all of these consults. Tell them our life story:

Age?, Drugs?, Alcohol?, Last period?, health problems?, pregnant before?, fathered a child before?, how long TTC?, history, etc...

Measured height, measured weight. Last time I had a PAP was 13 months ago....

Here's the blood work we want you both to get done, H we need a sperm sample next week to see if you have any antibodies, W I can get you in right now to do a PAP, we'll have a nurse come in and teach you our process for IUI.

Legs- NOT shaved, Private area - NOT shaved. Oh my gawd, oh my gawd, oh my gawd...My first time in 15 years of having PAP's that I'm not shaved ANYwhere down there. Breathe.

It wasn't Chewbacca or anything down there, just totally not the point.

Breathe. Make fun of the situation with the Dr. Lighten things up. Done.

After consulting with the DR, this what we came up with:

1: Wait for AF
2. Month Feb - Try IUI without drugs
3. Month Mar (if needed) try IUI with injectibles ($1000-$4000)
4. If that fails, proceed to IVF.

Great News? Hell yeah. All we need is a surge on the OPK to show up. Which we haven't been able to happen since we went for our first consult in the other city.

Again, I've never been so excited to wait for my period.

Another failure

How is it that we still cannot get the ovulation suge to show on our OPK?

Could it be that W isn't even urinating on it? Maybe she's just sticking it in the toilet bowl water.

Knock, Knock...Who's there?

Is anyone ever around when you need them?
Our specialist and her nurse (the one that referred us to the clinics) are on holidays.

Got a call from family Dr Office. I could come in to see him at 8:00 and but he couldn't guarantee that he could get me for an u/s in either. Fuck it....

I'll just wait yet ANOTHER month.

I remain positive, but why do I feel do drained?

Do Run Run, Do Run Run

Seems as though they didn't get my message for IUI.

Humm.

As if infertility isn't hard enuf.

They called back and left a message at 3:00ish (they close at 4)

W, this is the clinic. If you get this message we've scheduled you for a u/s in the clinic for 10:15 am tomorrow.

Then comes my call back.

Listen. I can't make the clinic 3 hours away for an appt tomorrow morning on this short notice. My husband isn't even in town.

Oh well can you get an u/s there? It would cost you $75 to get the results sent to us.

OK. Yeah that sounds like a plan. So get me an appt with a clinic for the u/s.

We don't think we could get you in for an u/s on this short notice there. But you could still come here.

WTF???? DUMBASS! I just told you I couldn't. Let me call my family Dr, and the specialists office.

Left message.

On holidays.

The run around is getting a little fuckin' old now!

Do these pants make me look fat?

No freakin wonder I feel so fat!!!

It's that monthly fun showing up again.

1. Call clinic today. Wait list for IVF, and call back for IUI.
2. Buy ovulation tests

New Year's Resolutions..Screw 'em!

Do you make resolutions? Why wait for a new year to make resolutions? You should make them all the time.

It's always nice to go to the gym in January. It's so packed with all those New Years resolutioners and by February the people you've rode your bike next to the last month have dropped off the planet. Screw it! Why make a resolution if you aren't going to keep it?