Naturally!

So our first month off clomid while on a break, and enjoying our Christmas vacation, and what do we get as a gift? A normal O surge! So we made like rabbits and hoped for the best.

To be honest it was kind of a relief and exciting to see the ovulation line again.

So it's settled! Clomid sucks ass!

Grand Torino

Well we went to Clint Eastwood's Grand Torino xmas day. What a movie. We highly recommend seeing it. It was classic Eastwood!

It's so worthy of an award.

Governing a Country

I would just like to remind everyone in Canada that we DID have an election and DID vote in a Prime Minister.

I'm confused because from my math the Conservatives have more seats than the Liberals and NDP combined. How can you form a coalition government without having more seats than the Conservatives? As far as I'm aware...the Bloc hasn't jumped on the coalition train yet?

We only voted in the Conservatives a little while ago.

WTF!

Hey Dion....we didn't vote you in the first time what makes you think we'd vote for you if an election is called?

As far as I'm concerned they should all resign. None of them can get along. Who's on a power trip?

To shave, or not to shave...

It's not like the Dr or nurses care if you shave or don't shave down there. But somehow it's just one of those things. Do I? Or don't I?

Since we were diagnosed with infertility W is pretty much ready to spread eagle for anyone wearing a white lab coat, so shaving is just one of the little things that she feels better doing.

Empathy is such a nice name....

Well if this is the way the day is gonna start, forget it, I'm going back to bed!

Turns out our appt wasn't at 8:30 am, it was at 9:30 am, and we didn't get in until 10:30 am.

Fast Fwd to after my rendezvous with a cold piece of metal machinery.

Had my first breakdown. Gathered myself and found H waiting in the waiting room. And broke down again. I told him that the Dr first asked why we came all the way down to the clinic to get the u/s; told him I have a cyst due to the clomid; told him the Dr is cancelling this IUI cycle until the cyst goes away; told him the Dr suggested just waiting until we get called back for IVF (Feb/Mar) because the travel, and IUI has only a 13% chance, is it worth it?

I'm sorry you cold heartless bitch. How can you say wait until IVF call backs when we clearly haven't even tried ANYTHING yet. And why did we come to the clinic here? Ummm...because your nurses told me to! And f$%^ clomid. I'm taking a break!

Fast Fwd to Check Out and after lunch.

The ride home was a long and quiet one. I wasn't in the mood for talking. On the way home a had a few minor breakdowns, but nothing I couldn't deal with.

We got home, unpacked, and had yet another breakdown. 100 things running through my mind:
Why us? We are good people...
If there really was a God...
Life is so unfair...

Today has made me a stronger person.
Today I'm closer to H more than I've ever been.
All our love and stay strong,

Tucan

xoxo

To sir, with love...

So we finally found out that we get to do an u/s tomorrow, CD11. I told the nurse when my spotty period started that I wanted u/s, as I didn't want to chance missing ovulation again. I've already finished taking the clomid double dose, a spotty period and got word that our u/s is for tomorrow at 8:30 AM? Can the nurses not see that we live out of town. And we'd have to leave at 5:00 AM just to make it to the clinic for our appt.
But...who are we to complain. At least we got an appt!

So we decided to drive up tonight, and stay in a hotel. So far we've spent how much?

Gotta go pack, shave(not like the Dr is gonna care if I'm shaved or not), and hit the road.

We'll keep you updated tomorrow with a live blog of our appt.

Two's just perfect, 3's a crowd

Talked to that friend of mine at work today to ask him if IVF was successful for them. It WAS...Yay!

But all 3 embryo's took. That means they are around 8 weeks and somebody's got to make a decision. What that means is that his W runs the risk of complications to both herself and the babies if she carries 3. Their decision would be to reduce the fetus' to 2. That's not only a hard decision to make it's a moral one. But please for their sake, leave God out of it. Those lucky enuf to get pregnant without help, don't and wouldn't understand.

I don't envy them, but we hope they will make the right decision for everyone.

UFC 91

What the hell? Did anyone else notice Damien Maia and Nate Quarry lip lock? Maybe by accident?
And now Brock Lesnar wins another match.

I have to admit that he proved to be a bit more talented than the last time I saw him, when all he did was dry hump his opponent.

I was a little disappointed at his last fight. When Lesnar grabbed the mic out of Rogan's hand WWF style. And started lassoing around the octagon. Doesn't look good in UFC. UFC is a professional sport! Leave the acting to the WWF.

But this go around he seemed a bit more professional. Maybe somebody got into trouble...

Shh! Don't tell

It's our nephew's first birthday party today. It was a small, but yet big enough birthday party for him....What a cutie!

How I can't wait to have one of our own! While we had fun at the party, inside it was a bit difficult for me. Don't tell H but I cried a little once we got home. Just needed to do a little crying by myself today.

Well off to watch UFC at the pub!

You back again?

Seems as I am riding the crimson wave again today. Weird.

So in consultation with the nurse we decided that we were going to take this scarcity as my period, and I am to start taking clomid today until Nov 18.

And on CD11 (Nov 22) I am scheduled for an u/s at the clinic. What are the odds that would happen on a weekend. Phew! Guess it's going to be an early morning, but never-the-less ROAD TRIP

This is becoming frustrating, from a woman who has regular periods to weird and off beat ones.

Where did you go?

Well now, that's odd!

Seems as though my period is non-existant today. Seems a good of time as any to call the clinic.

A bug by any other name....

...Would be called the flu.

And it looks like W finally picked up the flu bug. She hasn't been sick since 2006.

But on the positive note...Aunt Flo came to visit. On to TTC.

Lest we Forget

Let us on this day remember those veterans who fought in the World Wars. Joining the army back in the day was your duty, not a choice. And for that...to be forced out of your home, away from your family to perform your call of duty for your country needs to be remembered.

W is lucky enuf that both her Grandfather's were not able to be called to duty, due to illnesses.

H grandfather was killed during the war whilst on leave. Grandmother remarried to another officer. Other Grandfather did not go to war.

Check out Veteran Affairs Canada

Where are you?

So now I am on CD 30 and no sign of Aunt Flo yet. Damn clomid!

Still Dirty at 30...

It's W birthday today. The big 30. Welcome to cougar land.

And ps - Aunt Flo is suppose to arrive today.

Doom and Gloom?

With this economic recession we are in and about to be pulled father in I'd like to do my venting now!

So what's with all this talk about GM asking the Government to basically bail them out. I'm sorry, but I as a tax payer say NO FREAKIN WAY.

You've made the bed, now you lay in it. How are the taxpayers responsible for bailing out a company because of bad choices their Executives made. I'm sorry but that's not our problem. I bet you the top Executives are still making over a million a year.

Life is full of choices and we shouldn't have to pay because of someone elses' mistakes. Accountability anyone?


We haven't hit a recession since the 80s, and I don't think it fairs well. People are going to be more prone to judge, blame, lie, cheat.

A little bit of sunshine in my life

So we talked to the clinic about possibly getting set up for u/s and b/w. What they had to do is check with the Doctor. The clinic prefers to go 2 + cycles before performing and u/s and b/w. I'm sorry but you know what....I was a regular cycle gal. I had no problems ovulating before all this clomid.

Stayed tuned...

This JUST sucks...

So W went for blood tests this morning. Ended up paying $71.90 to have 3 blood test taken. Because we needed the results today, and because the clinic is in another city (which makes no sense, province health care, is province health care). W got the call this afternoon. Here's the conversation:

W: Good afternoon, W speaking.
Nurse: Hi W, how are you today?
W: Tired, thanks for asking.
Nurse: So we got your results and passed them though Dr. Beep, and he figures you have already ovulated since you are on CD20.
W: Ok, so...
Nurse: That means you will need to do this again when you get your next period.
W: Oh (hesitation), ok.
Nurse: So just give us a call when you have your next period. W, have a good weekend!

BULL-SHIT! Have a good weekend? How are we supposed to have a good weekend after that news? We ovulated, but the OPK (ovulation predictor kit) didn't pick up the LH surge?

Finally a ray of hope, and within one conversation disappointment runs through the veins....

$84.00 worth of OPKs
$20 worth of clomid
$71.90 worth of blood tests
And nothing but disappointment.

W is feeling a little depressed right now...Nothing that alcohol can't cure. :-)

We'll just crawl back and curl up in our hole now,
classless,
W & H
xoxo

I'm late, I'm late...for a very important date.

It's CD19 and still no sign of ovulation. Are we out of the woods yet, or is it about time to start blaming Clomid?


It's hard enuf not being able to have children, but it's even harder when you finally get to that spot where you get a glimpse of hope from the wonderful world of science (IUI, IVF) and BAM...your monthly cycles don't happen as they should. I ovulate regularly, so why is it taking so long for me to ovulate?


Altho as we've mentioned before, we don't make our highs too high, nor our lows to low so we aren't disappointed if something doesn't go our way....And we are fairly laid back...Que Sera, Sera...But...


...on this given day, we decided to play hooky from work just for some peace and quiet. Time to spend together dealing with emotions.



ARRRRRRRRRRRRRRGH, This is so frustrating.

Like whatever...

Can someone explain to me how an 19 year old boy with no education, and no current job can afford a Cadillac SUV? (Come on....you stereotype too!!)

Maybe because his income starts with D and rhymes with rugs.

Where are the cops when you need them? Giving out traffic tickets that's what!

Patience is NOT a virtue...

So we are on cycle day 15 (CD15), meaning if W periods are normally 28 days apart then she would have ovulated on CD14 (yesterday). But she hasn't. I hope that clomid has just extended ovulation arrival, and not skipped it all together.

We are impatient...

How rude...Stop being so ignorant!

They say that chances are you might know someone going through infertility, or you might know someone who knows someone....8-15% of couple in Canada are infertile. Infertility is a very long and painful journey to go through and people can be very hurtful without even knowing it. So we thought we'd lay some ground rules for all of you that don't know what to say to someone that has infertility or is trying to conceive(TTC):

1. Don't belittle their issue - Just because they can't have kids doesn't give you the right to say "Think of how much money you can save" or "How can you be busy, you don't have kids".
2. Don't play the God card - "God didn't mean for you to be parents" or "Maybe God isn't ready for you to be pregnant yet". This has nothing to do with God. It's a medical problem. End of story!
3. Don't tell the whole world. Treatments and tests are a very private and embarrassing matter.
4. Give support not opinions - Don't offer suggestions right away, like adoption, IVF, Foster care. Chances are...the couple has already discussed these options.
5. Don't tell them there are people worse off, or there are worse things - Like what? Having a loved one die? Having your house burn down? Losing your job?
6. Don't treat us like we don't know anything about being parents - That doesn't mean that an infertile couple doesn't know what parenting is all about. Obviously when you become a parent you are more likely to realize the responsibilities that come with parenting. If anything the infertile have more time to "prepare" themselves for parenting (whether that be reading books, watching family and friends raise their children).
7. Don't play Doctor. Most couples would have gone through all the tests to explain their outcome of infertility. Don't assume that you know better.
8. And finally...Don't tell them to relax! You have no idea what they are going through.

There are plenty of other things you can avoid saying, and plenty of other things you could do...But these 8 will suffice.

Infertility is not only physically uncomfortable, it's emotional draining, and monetarily taxing.

• Couples bodies are explored in any and every way possible while figuring out the diagnosis.
• Most couples at some point will seek professional help (psychologists, psychiatrists, etc)
• Heath Care in Canada doesn't support infertility treatments for a number of different reasons. It can be anywhere from a couple hundred to 5 figures +.

Hope this helps you out if you ever encounter a friend or family member who has gathered the courage to tell you their issues. Be kind.....Be supportive.

All our Love,

Tucan
xoxo

Somebody's pregnant I wonder who?

Well it's not us, that's a for sure!
But the guy that W works with...finally told us they are pregnant. While the pang of envy comes up to slap us in the face once again, that doesn't take our excitement away from the happy couple. Congratulations to them.
It will be 7 weeks or so before they test to ensure that nothing went wrong with IVF, and to ensure nothing goes wrong.
They have a choice in front of them....They put in 3 embryos, so there may be up to 3 beans growing in there. Good luck to you guys!

Is it hot in here?

Wow! Does anyone else feel the effects of clomid? Hot flashes!

Now I have finally realized what to expect when menopause hits.

Don't break the rules...

Well it's official! Here are the rules of the road

1. Start taking 2 x 50 mg of clomid starting today


2. Take your clomid until Oct 18 (CD7)


3. Make love on Oct 20


4. Start testing with an OPK on Oct 21


5. Wait until the LG line display is darker than the line already showing


6. Call into fertility clinc before 8:30 am


7. Travel to the fertility clinic (3 hrs away)

Easy enough isn't it.

Hubby is getting super excited, and it's nice to see him pasionate about something; I on the other hand keep us grounded. We musn't let our highs get too high or our lows too low...Or else we end up in a spiral of therapy...

Well it's voting day here in Canada..Go Conservatives!

Is anyone else tired?

Wow...I knew there was a reason for being so tired....Aunt Flo came to visit!

On our way TTC...

Thinking about the hopeful couple...

So member a few posts ago when we were actually at the Fertility clinic in another city? Well we say in the waiting room a guy W works with. How embarrassing. After about 5 minutes, W went over to quietly chat with him. They were onto IVF, and they we doing the transfer.

Well he's finally back to work, and here's the update:

3 fertilized, and they transferred all 3. They are back home and will find out early next week if any of them are making a miracle baby. We wish them all the luck and really hope they get preggers.

Happy Birthday to you...

It's H birthday today. He turns 40. Lordy, Lordy.....

A Chili Sunday...

What a glorious Sunday! Made a Turkey chili from scratch, and a critic for our food we invited over W 90 year old Grannie. So here's our spread:
-Turkey Chili with all the fixins
- Tomato Salad
-Ancient grains bread
-Peas and Corn

Conversations with Grannie are always entertaining. She loves talking about the good ol days. So most of the dinner conversation was about her life growing up. What we did find out:
1) Her mum baked 16 loaves of bread every week in a outdoor clay oven (It was a family of 18)
2) They had no drinking water on the farm. They had to bring it in by the barrels.
3) They didn't have a bath, weather permitting they were able to clean themselves in the local lake, but for the other months of the year they used to clean themselves with a damp cloth around the back of the barn.
4) Their meals mostly consisted of bread, chicken, perogies, potatoes, geese and homemade kobasa.
5) Her mother was a mid-wife and when delivering the neighbours baby it was born deaf and dumb, and no one was sure if it was a male or a female. So the family family decided it was going to be a boy.
6) They stored their cold food in a cellar underground. The men in the winter would go to the lake and cut 20 foot blocks of ice to keep the cellar cold year round.

This was a very common way of living back in the 20's, and I suppose like 3rd world countries today. So then why are we here in North America so selfish and greedy?

Times back then were simpler, and people were more thankful for what they had instead of complaining of what they don't have. You may want the newest IPOD or blue-ray disk, or maybe even the top laundry machines on the market, but sometimes you need to take a step back and look how far we've come...and just be thankful for what you have. Instead of wishing for the newest and most expensive just for the status...

Grannie briefly touched on the subject of laziness. Back in the day if your farm work was done you travelled to your neighbours farm to help him out without being asked to. Now-a-days people won't work an extra 5 minutes at work without wanting to be compensated.

Gone are the days of common sense, thankfulness and courtesy... I'd like to know when we became a lazy, selfish, greedy society? We're almost embarrassed to say we are part of it....Do we blame the parents, the greedy, the media or Hollywood? Perhaps all of them...

All our love,
Tucan
xoxo

So no one can explain why?

Well since I just had just rode the crimson wave on September 15, I still have to wait another 2 weeks until aunt flo visits again. And let me tell you that hubby and I have never been so excited to have her arrive.
Who has ever been excited to have their period? Except that 16 year old bimbo who decided to have a one night stand, and a late period. But for us this may be the start of our new life....Let's explain...

So on Thursday we finally had our IVF (In-Vitro Fertilization) information session. 2 hours later we left full of information and ready to cash in our RSP and life savings! Did you know that it would cost about $10K CDN to have the IVF procedure done? (That's all said and done). $10K for one miracle baby, and even then there is no guarantee that a baby would be conceived.

So Friday morning came early, and we had to drive to the clinic to get a bunch of test done. Hubby got to 'deposit' at 8:00 in the morning, while I had someone poking and prodding me in every way imaginable. They get all the fun!

We met with the Dr. and explored our options. Upon all discussions with Dr, our first attempt would be IUI. Basically they take the washed sperm and squirt it up into my uterus to help us get pg.

Costs are substantially lower with IUI. It would only be $400 CDN each try. We will reamin on the IVF wait-list (5-6 mths) and we will attempt IUI next month when aunt flo comes to visit, hence our excitment.

So maybe come October our emotional roller-coaster may be over. We aren't holding our breath, but we can't help but glow with excitment that we may finally be on our way to coneiving our fist child.

We do realize our chances of getting pregnant with IUI are only 13% but that's a hell of a lot better than the 1% we have right now. We understand that IUI may not work, and we will consider IVF once we'd had several attempts at IUI.

We do have a lot to discuss, as $10K is a lot of money to spend on something that has no guarantee of working. But our chances are much greater (46-50%). Our last hope....

The Dr on Friday told us that what we are experiencing is called unexplained infertility. That means that all my software checks out, as does hubbys' but there isn't a real reason as to why we aren't able to conceive. That alone is very difficult to come to terms with. Makes one wonder why we continue to have hope and pray that a little one would come along....

We have to pay $10K to conceive a child when there are men and women out there getting pregnant from one night stands who actually don't want a child and others who are unfit parents who beat their children. Life seems unfair most of the time, but with a positive outlook karma will come to our rescue. That we are sure of...

We'll keep you posted on this roller-coaster we call our life...

All our love,

Tucan

xoxo

The first step...

We might as well just bear our life here on our blog for everyone to read, it seems to be a good place to do so. And while doing so we will take you through our roller coaster we call our life...

I suppose there is no need to discuss what we've been through in the past...so we'll just talk about our future and go forward from this day... But in case you are wondering...A few sperm samples, a few ultrasounds, a few vaginal ultrasounds, much too much blood work, and the most fuckin painful thing in the world, an HSG!

So the first step to what you ask?

Well we have been trying to concieve for well over 4 years now, and no such luck. But luckily we have our first appointment at a Fertility Clinic. It isn't in our hometown, it's actually just a 3 hours drive to another city. The wait time was a lot shorter than where we live. So what does that mean?

We aren't exactly sure ourselves...We are going for some ultrasounds, and semen analysis', and then after tests, and an info session on IVF, we will meet with the specialist there to discuss our options. We've read the pamplets on IVF and it is quite costly. (Makes you wonder what we pay health care for)! So hopefully our first option will be IUI, as it's a heck of a lot cheaper.

We don't know what to expect, but we are both excited to hear the options, and in the mean time we don't mind the trying part. ;-)

We've been having a tough time dealing with the whole infertility thing. We don't talk to our family about it, nor our collegues, nor our friends because not everyone understands infertility. There are a lot of ignorant people out there.
How do push on? Well the internet is a powerful thing. And there are many other couples going through the same problem as us. It's so nice to have a support group online that can talk about the same problems, and support eachother...

I guess that's all we need to post now. We'll check in with you all tomorrow if there is anything of note to mention.

All our love,
Tucan
xoxoxo

Alice in Wonderland

I just heard....H just told me. Tim Burton is remaking Alice in Wonderland. The 1985 mini series has to be my favorite. It's a little dark, it's fun, it's a musical, and the cast is incredible....

Lewis Carroll, Helena Bonham Carter, and Johnny freaking Depp....2010. What more can we ask for?

Archie Andrews where are you?

Has anyone else been waiting for someone to do an Archie Movie?

It never gets old huh?

Anyone else have The Discovery Channel "I love the Planet" song stuck in their head?

There aren't many jingles around these days that are catchy and stick in your head. But this one definitely takes the leader board!

Another one is:
Mini-Wheats

The world is an awesome place. Boom de ya da!

Our first blog

This is our first blog! It's our decision whether we want to use this blog for good or bad. The choice is ours. What we have in mind for this blog to basically a place for us to vent. A place for us to piss on life's problems, and to cherish the good.

So do we start pissing on the world today? Naw....It's Friday! What could possibly we wrong with a Friday? End of work week? Time to sleep in, time to take a nap, be our own boss, do what we want to do, etc....

So perhaps then...we officially start our blog tomorrow...

We aren't entirely sure how often we will want to blog, but if our blogs have any interest to you whatsoever then you'll be sure to show up no matter how often we blog.

But this is OUR time, our freedom to blog...

This is our life,
Tucan :-)